I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
