i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
