i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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