ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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