Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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