....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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