before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize