Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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