Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
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