Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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