you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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