My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
