i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
