Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize