take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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