my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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