Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
