life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
We don't watch enough power rangers
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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