you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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