i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
