I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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