you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You don't make any sense
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