I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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