The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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