You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
