Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
