Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
