What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize