i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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