Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
