I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize