It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
this boner is exhausting
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
