clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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