i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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