i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
