I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
