Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize