I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
