Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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