a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
