I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
