addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I smell stomach acid.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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