He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You were trust falling into bushes
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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