Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
