you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
