What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
