We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
