I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
