Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
