How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
