I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
