Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
