i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
