Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
