Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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