And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
