he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
