you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
