I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
