Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
