the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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