So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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