Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
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