You really coming over, don't trick.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
