dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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