so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
