if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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