Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
