Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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