We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My bed smells like the plague
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
