I CAN MOONWALK!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
