i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Dicks are not precious.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
