HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
