I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
