Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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