she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My ass is underappreciated
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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