Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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