so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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